Doomer Diapers Commercial I made 

Here's another original song I made thats a Tribute to Kurt Cobain

Here's a cover i did of 

Death Cab For Cutie- 

I Will Follow You Into The Dark

The EPIC Australian Outback 💩 Story

JAN 17,2024-

                                           THE INCIDent                                                                                      on 9/14/2023

PROLOGUE: I had hoped my now ex-fiancé, who was a part of this, would look over this first and edit it as she saw fit from her unique perspective. Unfortunately, she ghosted me. I initially thought she was joking, but over time, I gradually accepted her true self, letting go of my idealized image of her that had obscured the reality of who she really is. I have a habit of sometimes only seeing the best in people and focusing on their potential rather than accepting the reality of who they actually are. It's a lesson I'm slowly learning, but I think I've fully accepted and internalized this lesson now.

It has taken me quite a while to reach a level of comfort where I can openly share this experience with the public. This was a deeply traumatic event for me that happened with such intensity like a whirlwind, ending very abruptly, The shock and pain were overwhelming, and it took me several weeks to even begin accepting the reality of what had transpired. Even now, four months later, I still find myself struggling to fully come to terms with it. How could I have been so deceived? Was I truly blind to the signs? While I had witnessed glimpses of her true nature in the past, I had hoped that being a strong physical presence in her life would somehow bring about a positive change and deter her from continuing with the destructive behaviors she had previously exhibited while alone. Surely, things would be different when we were together in person, right?

However, to be fair, I must acknowledge that I was not at the top of my game during this period. The drastic shift from California to Mississippi was a significant adjustment, both in terms of location and the support system I had built around me. For years, I had relied on my close network of friends and family, who were always there for me. While others were grateful for my hosting of spaces, I, too, was equally grateful and found solace in their presence. Their support and care had been instrumental in my healing process. Unfortunately, when I moved to Mississippi, this stability was thrown into disarray. She did not appreciate my participation in Twitter Spaces when she was around. Without the constant support I had grown accustomed to, I sought solace in alcohol as a coping mechanism to navigate the various challenges I was facing.

Initially, I did not view my reliance on alcohol as a significant issue, convinced that I was managing it adequately. However, upon reflecting on the recordings from that time, I now realize what an obnoxious jackass I sounded like and how unpleasant and disruptive my behavior had been for her, probably. It is no wonder that my now ex-fiancé was frustrated and fed up with me. While this realization does not excuse what transpired, it does provide some insight into the situation. She comes from a broken home, with an abusive alcoholic father who continuously cheated on her mother. Unresolved trauma from her past undoubtedly played a role, and I unknowingly triggered her deeply ingrained issues. I should have been a better partner. I wish I had been stronger. I wish we both were.

Here’s an audio clip of our argument that was caught during my Twitter Space - https://youtu.be/16hoPhkgcp0

I had an agreement with my now ex-fiancé that I could stay up until 3:00 a.m. to host my Twitter Spaces. A few days prior, things got really bad because she was unwilling to compromise on even the smallest things. EVERYTHING had to be her way. I decided to leave because I realized our relationship couldn't work if only one person was willing to compromise. I had sacrificed so much to be with her and had put up with a lot up to that point. She showed zero appreciation and could only think about the things she wanted, "IN HER HOME" that was meant to be "ours", and that I was stupid enough to pay rent for without demanding to be put on the lease first. She exploited this by threatening to kick me out a couple of times and to file a restraining order against me. Does it make sense that I, the person asking for space and to be left alone, am the person you would file a restraining order against? That's the kind of abuse I had to endure. She was very controlling, domineering, and manipulative towards me for some reason. Unfortunately, my flight back to California got canceled, so I turned back around to give our relationship another chance. I had hoped that it was a sign from God because I truly loved this girl and wanted our relationship to succeed, even though we were going through a rough patch. I hoped that if she saw how serious I was about leaving, she would change a little for the sake of our relationship and treat me with some respect as a human being. To my surprise, she seemed willing to compromise and agreed to let me stay up until 3:00 a.m. It was amusing to me that she, a woman ten years younger than me, was allowing me, a grown man, to stay up late. But this wasn't "our" home like it was supposed to be; it was 'hers'. And she leveraged that against me every opportunity she had.

The first night after that, I stayed up until 3 a.m. as we had agreed, and then went to bed. It was great. In fact, I was so grateful that I had seen some growth in her willingness to consider what I might be going through. I didn't host a Twitter Space at all the next day. Instead, I wanted to give her my undivided attention to demonstrate how much it meant to me and how grateful I was. The next night, as the 3:00 hour approached, I realized I would be a few minutes late getting to bed. I sent her a text to inform her, but she immediately panicked and rushed down to try to manage the situation. She yelled and screamed at me until she got her way.

Eventually, she forcefully grabbed my headphones off my head and threw them across the room. She was determined not to leave me alone and continuously tried to provoke and attack me. She would hit the sides of my head, scratch me, and do whatever she could to elicit a response. She would say hurtful things like calling me a liar and questioning my masculinity, saying, "A real man would do this" or that, etc., all in an attempt to hurt and provoke me. She was being nasty and bratty. I reached a point where I couldn't endure the attacks any longer and attempted to go upstairs. However, she wrapped her arms and legs around my legs, biting into me and squeezing my groin tightly with her right hand and digging her nails into my testicles, refusing to let me go. She later claimed she was acting in self-defense. I tried to calm her down, but she began screaming at the top of her lungs, causing a significant disturbance after 3:00 in the morning, which must have been frightening the neighbors. Frustrated, I decided to just go upstairs. She clung to my leg as I ascended the stairs, banging her arms and sides against the railing in the process. Which is certainly the way she got those long bruise marks on the back of her arm, which she later showed off as evidence that I attacked her.

When we reached the top of the stairs, I managed to get her off me and threw her onto the bed, instructing her to stay upstairs while I stayed downstairs. It was clear that we couldn't be on the same floor at that moment because of her unhinged, erratic behavior. As I turned to go back downstairs, she lunged at me once again, wrapping herself around my leg and screaming at the top of her lungs. She bit into my leg, and I struggled to remove her and make her stop screaming. As I pushed against her head to get her off of me, she clamped down on my finger with her mouth and bit down hard. She bit right down into the bone and nearly severed it. I thought for certain it was being taken off. Despite my efforts, she remained attached to my leg, so I decided to go back down the stairs with her still not letting go. She let go halfway down the stairs, and I quickly ran to the bottom before her. I grabbed a room divider to block the stairs, allowing her to stay upstairs and giving me some space. However, she refused to do that and punched and pushed through the room divider, refusing to give me any space and continuing to attack me.

I returned to my laptop, put on my headphones, and tried to enjoy the Twitter space in peace, hoping to avoid further attacks. I foolishly thought that if I huddled over the laptop in the corner with my headphones blocking out any sound, she might leave me alone. However, she began hitting the sides of my head from behind. Then, she abruptly grabbed my laptop, ripped it out of the wall, and ran out the front door with it. Frustrated, I decided to go upstairs to bed, as I finally had the opportunity to be left alone and experience some peace in the apartment. The two dogs, who had been cowering in a corner and shaking in fear from the previous screaming, seemed relieved. I hadn't been lying down for long before she returned and continued berating me, saying hurtful things while standing over me in bed. This lasted for about 10 minutes. Eventually, she stopped. It seemed like she was finally quieting down five minutes before getting into bed. She began whispering abusive things into my ear before finally falling asleep.

At this point, it has been about half an hour, and my heart has been pounding out of my chest from the chaos I had just been put through this evening. I'm afraid to fall asleep next to someone I feared would harm me while I'm asleep. Someone who is emotionally unstable, or as she puts it, suffers from “emotional dysregulation” issues, makes me feel very uncomfortable falling asleep next to her in a home I was hoping to find only love and peace in and not be threatened with a firearm on multiple occasions.

After half an hour of her lying quietly, I sneaked out of bed and went downstairs to sleep on the mattress downstairs, away from her, so I could feel safe. About 30 minutes later, she woke me up with her foot on my chest, and I screamed in response because I was terrified, thinking she might attack me again. She proceeds to take off her clothes and then pulls my clothes, which I'm wearing, off me from the waist down. She then straddles on top of me. She leans down, putting her hands around my neck, squeezing and demanding that I apologize to her. I'm bewildered and ignore her, trying to get back to sleep, and still asking to be left alone.

She refuses to leave, tightening her grip around my neck, and demanding an apology. In the hope that by offering an apology she would leave me alone, I looked her in the face and said, "I apologize." She refused to apologize to me at all, acting as if she had done nothing wrong and I was the one at fault. At this point, she began rubbing her clitoris against my groin, hoping to arouse me so we could have sex.

I told her that I was not interested and not even the slightest bit turned on by her in any way after the disgusting show she put on and her disrespect in still not willing to give me an inch of space. After I told her I didn't want to have sex with her and expressed my lack of interest, she refused to stop and continued to engage in sexual activity, hoping I would become aroused. I repeated, "I do not want to have sex with you. I'm not interested. Please leave me alone." I kept saying, "I want my space," repeatedly until she slapped me and said, "Shut up, I'm raping you, bitch." She continued to straddle and ride me, hoping I would get hard so she could really, really, forcefully engage with me. After a few minutes, she gave up and laid down next to me to sleep.

I was only able to sleep for a few hours before having to wake up because everything was hurting me, and I wanted to take a warm bath to soothe my aches and pains. I had managed to be alone in the bathtub for about two minutes before she joined me. Despite my intention to take a bath, she turned on the shower.

I once again felt upset that she wouldn't give me an inch of space alone and left the bathtub. A minute later, she left the tub as well. I returned, hoping for a moment of peace without her constant abuse.

Unfortunately, I wasn't so lucky. As soon as I placed my laptop next to the bathtub and started to lie down, she barged in, yelling once more about how I'm a terrible person, don't love her, mistreat her, and spewing more vicious and baseless accusations and lies.

I continued to beg her to leave me alone and allow me some solace and peace in the bathtub, but she refused. She kept screaming and yelling vicious things at me while the dogs were shaking and scared outside the door. At this point, I couldn't take it any longer. I stood up out of the bathtub and tried to get her to leave the bathroom so I could lock the door. She could then go do whatever she wanted, and I could finally have some peace. However, she refused and threw her whole weight against me, almost causing me, still wet, to slip back and crash horrifically onto the floor.

In desperation, I leaned forward and managed to push the door closed, but she grabbed the handle, preventing me from sealing and locking it. I opened the door again and pushed her out of the way one last time, making sure she couldn't reach the door handle before I could lock it.

I went back into the tub and tried to just listen to some music on my laptop and enjoy some peace away from the constant torment of this unhinged woman. A minute later, I heard that she was tinkering with the door handle using some tools and had managed to unlock it again, breaking in.

She continued to yell at me and began to scream insults, repeating her demand for me to leave, as she had done on many previous nights. However, I refused to pack my luggage again, as I felt she was having a temper tantrum. In the past, I would finish packing, and she would then try to persuade me to stay by showering me with affection. I told her that if she truly wanted me to leave, she would have to call the police to have me escorted out; otherwise, I wasn't going anywhere.

She left the bathroom, and I managed to close and lock it behind her. Finally, I could relax in the bathtub in peace for the next 20 minutes before getting out and getting dressed. As I went down the stairs, she said, "The cops are here. They want to talk to you." Those would be the very last things she would ever say to me. And that rape would be my last sexual encounter to the present day.

She really left me feeling scorned and broken, with a bitter taste lingering in my mouth. You might think, "Well, she obviously must have felt bad and embarrassed about what she did." Because of the love between you two, four months later, you worked it out and came to a mutual understanding. The answer...

A big NO.

In the time since that happened, through the constant ringing of her phone, I annoyed her enough to have a single conversation with me. It was a very poor dialogue we had between us. Not on my side, I was nothing but cordial and respectful. However, she repeatedly attacked me with accusations like "you're an abuser and a creep, and you never loved me." While laughing, she would say I was "sad, delusional, and a narcissist." She couldn't wait to get off the phone with me and was literally crying because she felt I was forcing her to talk to me and that I was "harassing her." She showed no concern for what she had done to me and continued to do, claiming she had no idea where all my belongings had gone, including thousands of dollars' worth of electronics and work I had accomplished, as well as priceless memories stored on my hard drives. She was "glad we were done, and she never really liked me." The last thing I got her to agree to before her "phone died" was to read over this written series of events as I have laid them out and edit as necessary from her point of view. However, she never did. Instead, she has completely ghosted me and found love in another man's arms already.

Remind me to never love anyone again.

P.S- There's a LOT of despicable things that were and are currently being done, that I am choosing to leave out for now. But this story isn't finished yet, there is still much more to come. 

JANuary 15, 2024

Unveiling the Rollercoaster: Life's a Dumpster Fire, and I'm Just Here Roasting Marshmallows

Disclaimer: I will never name who the person in this story is about. It's nobody's business but my own. Any similarities shared with real world people is entirely coincidental. 

Hello readers, and welcome to my blog! Today, I want to share with you the ups and downs of my recent experiences as we entered the new year. Buckle the fuck up, because this ride has been quite a wild one!

To kick things off, the start of the new year brought a remarkable encounter. I had the incredible opportunity to hang out with a celebrity within a community I deeply admire. It was an unforgettable experience, and I was amazed by their down-to-earth nature and kindness. It truly set the tone for what I hoped would be a fantastic year ahead.

Now, onto the not-so-glamorous part of my life. I find myself entangled in a court case, seeking justice and retribution to the tune of $10,000. Why, you ask? Well, let me paint you a picture of the heart-wrenching betrayal I experienced.

"Picture this: You're tossed out onto the cold, unforgiving streets by the woman you thought loved you. You left behind everything and everyone you knew in one of the most breathtaking places on Earth, only to be left penniless and homeless in a strange, foreign land. Your cherished possessions? Discarded like trash.  And to add insult to injury, my beloved canine companion was ripped away from me and tossed into an animal shelter. It's a nightmare, isn't it? I'm not one to hold grudges, so I graciously offered her the chance to make amends, to have a civilized discussion about what she did. But all I received in return were self-centered, self-serving actions and zero regard for my well-being. It's becoming a pattern, I tell you.It's like they have a PhD in being a selfish asshole.

But wait, there's more! Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, I found myself being blackmailed. Yep, you heard it right. They want a cool $10,000. Conveniently the same amount I'm suing my ex for. If I don't pay them, they threaten to release the contents of my hard drives online for all to see.  And guess who sold it to them? That's right, my lovely ex. 

And let's not forget the irony of it all. My ex has the audacity to accuse me of being an abuser and a sexual deviant. While we were together, she shamelessly indulged in online sexual escapades, streaming her most intimate parts for a crowd of hundreds of strangers on "Chaturbate.com" and engaging in orgies at nudist resorts. And as if that weren't enough, she even dabbled in deplorable sexual acts with multiple strangers she met online. Let me remind you, she did ALL of that WHILE WE WERE TOGETHER! Hell, one time she drove to another state to meetup with some randoms, and ended up having an orgy on DMT with her own sister! Who's the real sexual deviant here? Talk about the pot calling the kettle a filthy whore. She has a serious blind spot in self awareness when it comes to projecting her issues onto other people. Literally every accusation is a confession. It's so blatant, it makes me wonder if its some kind of defense mechanism to label the other person that first, before they call it out in you. Her favorites labels for me were 'Narcissist' & 'BPD'. I wish I could have helped her work through those issues, because they aren't going away, and she's never going to have any kind of healthy relationship ever, until she deals with that borderline personality stuff. And that makes me sad for her. A narcissist wouldn't give 2 shits about her at this point. Her exact feelings towards me right now. Which is a healthy reminder that I still have a heart and truly did love her. I'm actually so pathetic, I even spent a couple hundred dollars sending flowers to her work on two separate occasions after this all went down. 

Let's not forget the cherry on this twisted sundae. This womans favorite hobbies were constant attacks on me, screaming matches, and demeaning me like it's her full-time job. She even locked me out of our apartment in the dead of night twice and threw my shit away whenever she felt like it. This person is a fucking narcissist on steroids. They abused the living shit out of me while spreading lies about me online. It's like they were on a mission to make my life a living hell. Me, the person who gave everything to them and discarded my entire life to be with them for eternity. She was my fiance. I was planning on going the full distance and having kids and everything. They had won the lottery and they shit all over it, because all they could think about is themself. She actually said she had fantasized that I was naturally more accommodating to what needed to be done. Me, the special guest that flew across the country to her small town, was the one that needed to be more accomodating lol.  She didn't want a boyfriend, she wanted a servant. She once said, "I feel I can be so blood thirsty when it comes to men and how they can serve me." 

So, my friend, who was the abusive one again? It's crystal clear that my ex takes the crown in this fucked-up game of emotional torture. I should have taken everyones advice , "You deserve better than this toxic mess of a relationship. Cut ties with that piece of shit and focus on rebuilding your life."

My dear readers, if this whirlwind of chaos doesn't make you question the sanity of the universe, I don't know what will. Life has thrown me curveballs at every turn, exposing the true nature of those I once trusted. But fear not, for I am here to share my twisted tale with you, venting my frustrations, and seeking solace in knowing that sometimes the truth is just too outrageous to be ignored.

Stay tuned for more updates from my wild and unfiltered journey, where the drama never seems to end. And remember, life may knock us down, but we'll always rise stronger, armed with our unyielding spirit and a few choice expletives for good measure. Until next time, stay resilient and keep pushing forward, no matter how absurd the world may become.

DEC 1,2023- 

Sometimes the Ashura Kali want us to believe the world is a cruel unfair place, as if nothing is in order and everything is displaced, as if love, kindness and beauty never existed at all, and beauty is an outcast in the world. 

The evils of the world tempt us to be cruel as well. 

We must stand erect, even in this test of time. There is still beauty in the world. There is still justice. There is still love.

The hardships we face must make us resilient against the evils of the world.